Battling to Surrender

I have been thinking about the Serenity Prayer a lot lately, so I wanted to read it again today and I think it is worth posting.  

God grant me the serenity 

to accept the things I cannot change; 

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

(That is the end of the part I always remember...but, the part I forget is so wonderful for me right now!)

Living one day at a time; 

Enjoying one moment at a time; 

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; (LOVE THAT LINE)

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it; (WOW...that's hard) 

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will; 

That I may be reasonably happy in this life 

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.  (It's not all about me being happy, is it?!)

Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

I have always been a control freak...I like handling situations, solving problems, and even being prepared in advance for the situations so that I can maneuver them gracefully...I guess that is the right way to say that...anyway, somehow I have always thought I managed whatever life handed me pretty well.  I think I came to think too highly of my "skills" and to think somehow I was the one controlling my outcomes.  This journey of adoption has challenged me on so many levels of my own pride...it is incredibly humbling for a control freak to realize she can do absolutely nothing to fix a problem but rest in Christ, pray and wait on Him for answers.  Even though it feels like little or nothing sometimes, I am starting to see His answers to prayers for the things I cannot fix.  

We passed the "honeymoon" stage with the girls several months back...I would say it was around Thanksgiving time and we started into the "protest" period.  I am grateful for the enjoyable moments we have (and I thank God that we have a lot of them) because we definitely have some really tough days, hard questions to field, and raw emotions and  feelings to try to address.  How do you convince a child who feels lost that she is at home?  How can you convey that when you say forever, you really mean it?  How can you teach her to see her true value in Christ apart from the decisions that have been made that have disappointed her and broken her heart? AND, somehow prove to her that you love her, you are not her enemy, and you want the best for her if she will embrace the life you are offering her.  I understand why the Bible often refers to Christians as being adopted...I think we walk this same path of protest, doubt and insecurity.

So, Brad just asked me if I was going to offer any answers to these questions?  Two: trust and surrender.  If you are walking in God's will, won't He "have your back"? I had a hard, but good conversation with Savannah this weekend about the love/value issues and the question of forever. (I think the "protest" time is grueling, but it is about facing the truth and finding freedom and strength in that pursuit). On Sunday...she was a part of a Sunday School skit and was given only one line to read, "God's love endures forever."  She was struck by it so much as to mention it to me....I was incredibly grateful for it and told her if she will ask Him for what she needs, I believe He wants to give it to her.  I pray she will seek Him for the answers and peace she needs right now.

Thank you for lifting us up in your prayers.  May God bless you as well and fill you with peace, satisfaction, and contentment that He is working out His will in you.

Toenails and Tozer

BREAKTHROUGH...That was my word for my Sunday School class this past week.  We are occasionally asked for one word for the rest of the class to pray for us and that was my word.  Obviously, God and I knew what I meant by that request as it pertained to relationships and bonding within our home and tonight it happened.  I am so amazed by His love for us and I want to make sure to give Him the glory for these answers to prayer. I said I was going to read some of Tozer's book and Savannah thought I was saying something about toes...I guess you had to be there. Needless to say there was a lot of laughter and I ended up doing a bunch of pedicures instead of reading Tozer.  We needed the laughter and God knew it!  Toenails and Tozer will have a special relationship in my mind now that we had such fun and a really great conversation tonight.

In other news...McKenna was selected 1st alternate for her school's spelling bee.  At the time, she was devastated that she did not make the cut to ensure her spot in the bee...OK, that makes me wonder why it is called a bee...that seems strange and something to be googled.  I am sure that will make sense later.  She was feeling guilty that she was hoping someone else would drop out or be sick that day.  However, once she received the list of words she needed to study to be ready for the spelling bee, she is now praying that everyone will be in good health and she will not be called upon to spell.  We have been studying all the words, writing them out three times each, and looking them up to see what they all mean and how to pronounce each one...they are incredibly difficult.  I have this secret (well, not so secret now, right?) wish that someone will miss out....not that they will be sick, though...maybe that they will be on a trip to Disney World or something that day and Kenna will have to spell and somehow all this work we are doing will pay off and the 1st alternate will take the whole bee!

Enjoy 2013!  God has great plans for you...get ready for His breakthroughs in your life!